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Gun Story - charles-smythe Story,
A guy walked into a crowded bar...

He was frantic about something and he was waving his 1911 Colt pistol and yelling, I have a .45 Colt with an seventeen shot clip and I want to know where that SOB is that's been screwing my wife?

A voice from the back of the room called out... You going to need a lot more ammo than that dude!
Story time :) :) - jackhn729 time, Story,
Ok I'm gonna start this out... all you can add are 4 words to the previous post... let's try and make a thasnasty! classic lol

Once upon a time
Bowe Bergdahl -- this Story is Going to be More Interesting Than We Thought - richdon03 Thought, Than, Interesting, More, Going, Story, this, Bergdahl, Bowe,
It appears that he refuses to speak to his parents. that, my friends, is odd.
The Sad Story Of Hollywood’s First Naked Lady, Audrey Munson - charles-smythe Munson, Audrey, Lady, Naked, First, Hollywood’s, Story,
The Sad Story Of Hollywood’s First Naked Lady, Audrey Munson
Audrey Munson's career began like a fairy tale. Her life ended like an existential horror movie.

While it's unlikely that you've ever seen any of Munson's films (she appeared in four silent movies, all thought lost until recently, when one was discovered in a French archive) you may have seen her face - at least if you've ever been to New York City. Munson's career began as a sculptor's model, and her likeness is enshrined in at least 15 statues dotting the island of Manhattan. Perhaps the most notable is the USS Maine Monument at Columbus Circle, or the golden statue Civic Fame atop the Manhattan Municipal Building (most famous for movie nerds as where the Ecto-1 drives when visiting the Mayor in Ghostbusters). She's also immortalized in dozens of other sculptures around the country, and her figure made up 75% of the female sculptures at the Pan-Pacific Exposition in San...
Bald Man With Wooden Leg Story - charles-smythe Story, Wooden, With, Bald,
A bald man with a wooden leg gets invited to a Halloween party. He doesn't know what costume to wear to hide his head and his leg, so he writes to a costume company to explain his problem. A few days later he received a parcel with the following note. Dear Sir, Please find enclosed a pirate's outfit.... The spotted handkerchief will cover your bald head and, with your wooden leg, you will be just right as a pirate. Very truly yours, Acme Costume Co. The man thinks this is terrible because they have just emphasized his wooden leg and so he writes a letter of complaint. A week goes by and he receives another parcel and a note, which says:

Dear Sir, Please find enclosed a monk's habit. The long robe will cover your wooden leg and, with your bald head, you will really look the part. Very truly yours, Acme Costume Co. Now the man is really upset since they have gone from emphasizing his wooden leg to emphasizing his bald head, so again he writes the company another nasty letter of complaint. The next day he gets a small parcel...
The Will Story - charles-smythe Story, Will,
Some man was telling his buddy You won't believe what happened last night. My daughter walked into the living room and said, Dad, cancel my allowance immediately, forget my college tuition loan, rent my room out, throw all my clothes out the window, take my TV and my laptop. Please take any of my jewelry to the Salvation Army or Cash Converters. Then, sell my car, take my front door key away from me and throw me out of the house. Then, disown me and never talk to me again.

Don't forget to write me out of your will and leave my share to any charity you choose.

Holy Smokes, replied the friend, she actually said that?

Well, she didn't put it quite like that. She actually said, 'Dad, meet my new boyfriend-- Mohammed. We're going to work together on Hillary's election campaign!'
Good Nurse Story - charles-smythe Story, Nurse, Good,
A policeman was rushed to the hospital with an inflamed appendix. The doctors operated and advised him that all was well; however, the patrolman kept feeling something pulling at the hairs in his crotch. Worried that it might be a second surgery and the doctors hadn't told him about it, he finally got enough energy to pull his hospital gown up enough so he could look at what was making him so uncomfortable.

Taped firmly across his pubic hair and private parts were three wide strips of adhesive tape, the kind that doesn't come off easily --- if at all. Written on the tape in large black letters was the sentence, Get well soon from the nurse in the Ford Explorer you pulled over last week.

Kind of brings tears to your eyes doesn't it?
Super Bowl Sunday Story - charles-smythe Story, Sunday, Bowl, Super,
Some man had 50 yard line tickets for the Super Bowl. As he sat down, he noticed that the seat next to him was empty. He asked the man on the other side of the empty seat whether anyone was sitting there.

No, the man replied. The seat is empty.

This is incredible, said the first man. Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the Super Bowl, the biggest sporting event in the world and not use it?

The second man replied, Well, actually, the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This will be the first Super bowl we haven't been together since we got married in 1967.

Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. That's terrible. But couldn't you find someone else -- a friend or relative, or even a neighbor to take the seat?

The man sadly shook his head. No, they're all at the funeral.
Law Student Story - charles-smythe Story, Student,
Law Student Story

Some Law student, having failed his Law exam, goes up to his crusty old professor, who is renowned for his razor-sharp legal mind. Student: Sir, do you really understand everything about this subject?

Professor: Actually, I probably do. Otherwise I wouldn't be a professor, would I?

Student: OK. So I'd like to ask you a question. If you can give me the correct answer, I will accept my marks as it is. If you can't give me the correct answer, however, you'll have to give me an A.

Professor: Hmmmm, alright. So what's the question?

Student: What is legal but not logical, logical but not legal, and neither logical nor legal?

The professor wracks his famous brain, but just can't crack the answer. Finally he gives up and changes the student's failing mark into an A as agreed, and the student goes away, very pleased. The professor continues to wrack his brain over the question all afternoon, but still can't get the...
A Story for Women-[E-132]-part-1-of-2 - charles-smythe Women E 132 part 1 of 2, Story,
A Story for Women
She’d never before found herself in a situation like this. Here she was, 28 years old and suddenly completely alone. She’d lost her job 3 weeks ago and had been unable to find another. The little money she’d been able to save was now almost gone. There wasn't enough to pay another week's rent for her room and she was becoming frightened about what was going to be in her future.
She found herself wandering the streets, looking for both a job and a cheaper room to rent. But without a job even a cheaper room would be too expensive, she realized. She was quickly running out of options. But even with all of this going on she still needed to take care of certain things. Like right now. She had to pee so badly that she was sure her eyes must be turning yellow.
She realized that she was standing right in front of a hotel. Not a big fancy hotel, but any hotel would have plenty of bathrooms. She thought she'd go in and politely ask if she could use one. So...
A Short Story for Engineers - charles-smythe Engineers, Story, Short,
You don't have to be an engineer to appreciate this story.

A toothpaste factory had a problem: they sometimes shipped empty boxes, without the tube inside. This was due to the way the production line was set up, and people with experience in designing production lines will tell you how difficult it is to have everything happen with timing so precise that every single unit coming out of it is perfect 100% of the time. Small variations in the environment (which can't be controlled in a cost-effective fashion) mean you must have quality assurance checks smartly distributed across the line so that customers all the way down to the supermarket don't get pissed off and buy another product instead.

Understanding how important that was, the CEO of the toothpaste factory got the top people in the company together and they decided to start a new project, in which they would hire an external engineering company to solve their empty boxes problem, as their engineering department was already...
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